Sometimes I Want to Scream.......

Do you ever just want to just scream? Have you seen the movie Summer School? “Tension breaker. Had to be done!” (If you haven’t seen that classic 80’s movie, I recommend it!) I have been feeling like I just want to scream lately. Being a mom is hard. Being a step-mom is harder. I am not their mom, and I don’t pretend to be. I am the mom of my house, and that is a fact, but I told my step-children from the very beginning that I would not try and replace their mom. That is impossible. Their mom is their MOM! That would not be fair of me. So, what I can try and do is be a good role model and example to them. I can be the mom of my house, and that is about it.

BUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT……it gets SO hard and so frustrating when I feel like I am invisible in my own house. Have you ever felt that? You talk and ask someone to do something and you then have to say, “Don’t everyone move at once.” But when the dad comes in and asks for something to get done, it gets done right away? I don’t think this is unique to step-parents, maybe it’s how it is with all parents, but I have been feeling this frustration a lot lately.

I have tried to remove myself from the situation, and so I ask my husband to ask the kids to do this-results happen! It’s frustrating. I sometimes feel invisible. I sometimes feel very lonely, although I am surrounded by people. I sometimes want to yell. But, I don’t yell. I don’t’ scream. So, I feel like I have had a mini-victory.

When all else fails me, I think about this Seinfeld clip…..

Serenity Now

And now I can say………………..SERENITY NOW!

My Testimony on Adversity

My friend asked me to write my testimony about adversity for a class that she was teaching at church. Here is what I sent.......

A long time ago I decided not to ask the Lord, “Why me?” when it came to all the trials that life has thrown at me. I have had sick kids, cancer, miscarriages, a failed marriage, loss of a home, the list could go on and on, but I have never asked Him, “Why? Lord?” I maintain that through trials I want to grow closer to the Lord, not be angry with Hm.

During my divorce, I remember thinking about so many I have heard stories of where they turned away from the Gospel and became bitter at life, at The Lord, at everything. I did NOT want that to be me. I turned my divorce into an experience very intimate with God. I utilized the atonement for my suffering-I cried to the Lord to help me get through it; to help me get up in the morning and be a good mom; to just survive. I read my scriptures with new zeal and determination. I attended the temple like never before, and you know what happened? I healed! I became well, both mentally and physically. My testimony of the atonement became strong. I know now that the atonement is not only for our sins, but for our pains. The atonement is for our loneliness, our despair, our feelings of not being able to handle our trials. I guess you could say I put the Lord to the test; I wanted to know for myself that the atonement is real. And I know it is!

Throughout all my trials I have felt the Lord so near. I know He knows ME! I know He knows each one of us. I have lived through the trials I have lived because they were designed exactly for me. I cannot control other’s free agency, but I can certainly control myself and my reaction. I decided long ago that a happy attitude will make my trials endurable. I am not perfect. There are days I cry. There are days I feel like I can’t endure anymore, but then I pick myself up, dust myself off, leave my pity party and go to work. I serve the Lord the best I can, and He makes up the difference.

He loves us so much. He allows us to have trials to grow closer to Him, and to be able to serve Him. I can’t tell you how many times I have been able to help other endure their trials because I have lived through something. That is how the Gospel works. We learn, and then we serve with all our hearts, and the Lord pours out His blessings. I have experienced great trials in my life, but I love the Lord so much, and I am so thankful I have lived through what I have, because in every trial I have been able to find the silver lining, and my relationship with God is strong, and I would never change that for any trial I have experienced.