Do you ever just want to just scream? Have you seen the
movie Summer School? “Tension breaker. Had to be done!” (If you haven’t seen
that classic 80’s movie, I recommend it!) I have been feeling like I just want
to scream lately. Being a mom is hard. Being a step-mom is harder. I am not
their mom, and I don’t pretend to be. I am the mom of my house, and that is a
fact, but I told my step-children from the very beginning that I would not try
and replace their mom. That is impossible. Their mom is their MOM! That would
not be fair of me. So, what I can try and do is be a good role model and
example to them. I can be the mom of my house, and that is about it.
BUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT……it gets SO hard and so
frustrating when I feel like I am invisible in my own house. Have you ever felt
that? You talk and ask someone to do something and you then have to say, “Don’t
everyone move at once.” But when the dad comes in and asks for something to get
done, it gets done right away? I don’t think this is unique to step-parents,
maybe it’s how it is with all parents, but I have been feeling this frustration
a lot lately.
I have tried to remove myself from the situation, and so I
ask my husband to ask the kids to do this-results happen! It’s frustrating. I
sometimes feel invisible. I sometimes feel very lonely, although I am
surrounded by people. I sometimes want to yell. But, I don’t yell. I don’t’
scream. So, I feel like I have had a mini-victory.
When all else fails me, I think about this Seinfeld clip…..
And now I can say………………..SERENITY NOW!
I would say this is probably more common in a step-parenting situation. I have not yet encountered this myself (but my step-son is still young and is hardly with us). However, my mom used to have this happen with my older half brother all the time. She would sit with him for HOURS trying to help him with his homework and he'd stare off into space, get distracted or fight with her about not wanting to do it. My dad would come home, and 10 minutes later his homework was done. She was so extremely frustrated so they just learned that dad had to do the homework with him - among other things. They slowly learned that my dad had to be the one to direct his children in certain things because as much as they were told to respect my mom and listen to her and that she has the authority to be the mom in this house, it just didn't work. You're normal Jen, you're doing fine, it's a very very difficult and thankless job. Keep your chin up, they don't know it, but they're lucky you're in their lives. :-)
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